Mother, Mom, Mama...

When I gave birth to my first baby, Natalie, I remember my mom poking her head in the delivery room when she arrived and the Doctor telling her she couldn't pass the red line on the floor. She stood there as long as they let her and was so excited for this wonderful event. After they got me settled into my room and the nurse handed me my beautiful little girl, my mom said, "Once a mom, Mel, you're always a mom!" I've thought about those few words so many times over the years - happy times, sad times, challenging times, overwhelming times, uplifting times, frightening times and especially at this time. Those powerful, undeniable feelings of love that consume your whole being as your 'mother heart strings' as I call them, are played over and over again everyday of your life. And as mom said 'once a mom, you're always a mom!' It will never go away! My baby girl, Kaitie, danced the most beautiful dance to a song that reached out and grabbed me. Each time I watched her dance to this song I just thought of how all my children, my little babies have grown up into these beautiful, wonderful human beings. Each one is so unique and kind hearted and making wonderful lifes for themselves. There have been challenging times for each of them and I know they will have more challenges on their paths ahead, but they are each so strong and prepared. I miss my mom so much the past few days. The reality has sunk in. She was my calming influence, my rock, she made me feel like I could conquer anything and I just hope she really, really knew how much she meant to me. How greatful I am for everything she taught me and the love she showed me. Mom, Mother, Mama, whatever the title a mother may go by, those short words have so much meaning packed into them. I just felt like sharing these thoughts about how I feel about being a mom, it is priceless to me, a gift, a treasure and this beautiful song "In My Arms" says it all about how I feel towards my own children who will be 'my babies forever'. I also try to imagine that my mom made that same promise to me and my sisters that she would always be there for us and somehow, even now, she is holding us in her arms.

Trying to Stay Calm

It has been really hard for me to make myself put a new post on my blog. There is so much to say, but it is so hard to put it all to words. This has been hard, very hard, and very ugly, yet there has been beauty and radiant good. My heart aches for my mom - I miss her so much - but my heart aches for my dad. He is doing so well and I am so proud of him. He is trying so hard and he is such an example to us all. I'm so overwhelmed by the help from my sweet husband, from my kids, from my sisters, from aunts, uncles and friends. It is really taking a village to put us all back together. We're moving forward, tiny steps forward.... I needed to write an article for the two local newspapers, Summit County Bee and The Park Record for my dad. I thought I would post it here because a lot of my feelings were expressed in it.

The death of our wife, mother, grandmother,
sister and daughter
Saundra Stephens Toole
was devastating and very emotional for our family.
The loving and joyous memories of her
will sustain us in the days to come and
we are finding healing in God’s tender embrace
and in knowing others remembered and cared.
We sincerely thank those in the community for your kind

expressions of sympathy;
cards, letters, phone calls, flowers,

donations to the scholarship fund, food, and many more gestures.
Most of all, for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
We have come to believe through this experience
that there can be solace, that all things are possible,
that life is precious, that peace is reasonable, that
laughter is special, that blessings are divine
and most of all that love is grand.
We have all been touched by your kindnesses,
The Immediate and Extended Families of
Saundra and Doug Toole

Peonies for Mom's Grave

Pure Tragedy!

My dear sweet mother has died. I'm oh so sad! I miss her ever so much and love her beyond words. Pray for a miracle for my father. It is going to take a miracle to heal his mind and heart. They loved each other so-"I love you with my heart" they would say to each other. Happy Mother's Day my sweet mom. I'm taking care of dad.

I traveled as a chaperone with McKell, 100 other students, 23 parents, and the most amazing Art History teacher, Cheryl Hughes, to San Francisco. I had done this six years ago with Tamara and had such a great time I couldn't wait to go back. Mrs. Hughes just opens up a whole new world of Art and a museum will never be the same. She gave lectures each night- 9-10 pm for the students, and 10-11 pm for the adults (so we wouldn't fall asleep in our rooms before roomcheck!). We were prepared for what we would see - it wasn't just another painting in a museum. I had a blast with McKell and her friends and I'm glad they let me share this experience with them.

Belated Blogging!! Cruise with the Brady's...

The middle of April Mike and I were able to go with our good friends the Brady's on a Cruise. We left out of Galveston, Texas and stopped in Mexico and Honduras. It was a well needed trip for all of us and we had lots of laughter and good times. Here are some memories of the trip:

Rock Stars!

When I walked into Kaitie's school for her talent show I could hear her, but not see her. I followed the sound and there they were, Kaitie and Kaylee, rehearsing in the bathroom!

They did an amazing job and looked like two rock stars standing up there with their guitars and singing. They repeated the show three times throughout the day and received more than one standing ovation! Their song they sang was Stop and Stare by One Republic.

Good job you little Rock Stars!

DANCE UPDATE

Mike and Kell had a great trip to Milwaukee! They stood in line for 3 hours in the cold starting at 5:30 AM. Kell danced for the camera's three times while waiting and made some great friends in line. Mike even got a picture of Cat Daley. When they got to the doors they sent 'guests' away and only dancers could go in the Theatre. Kell waited for three more hours before her actual audition. Her specialty was Hip Hop and she was put in a group of 10. She said she was in a room with about 300 people and they turned on some random music and she 'freestyled'. She said the crowd was into it and yelling for her and she had a great time. Travis, one of the judges, mentioned something about 'looking too young'. She wasn't called back, but had a great experience and felt like it was well worth it. She thinks one of her new friends is sure to be famous! The two of them were actually snowed in at their hotel as no taxi's were running, airport closed, huge blizzard! Luckily they both love movies and watched several in their room and they found a bookstore and Kell bought Art History books! We were excited the airport opened up on Saturday and they were able to get home.
Kaitie is still patiently waiting for news from High School Musical. We're crossing our fingers!!